on May 13th, 2008Top 10 Reasons God Hates Asia
After the tsunamis of 2004, in which over 200,000 people died, I was a bit aghast. I wondered whether it was sheer bad luck that so many people drowned, starved, and succumbed to the diseases reaped from the sewage-strewn death waters that ravaged those (mostly) Asian countries.
But, as these disasters seem to continue to destroy Asia, I can’t help but start to believe that Pastor John Hagee– America’s Pastor–is right: God (the one, Christian God, that is) is tallying a checklist and exacting His vengeance on this faithless region of the world. I prefer not to let basic logic cloud my faith, so here is some real evidence for all of you skeptics and liberals on why God hates Asia.
When the cyclone Nargis struck Burma, ahem, Myanmar, I knee-jerkedly chalked it up to bad luck with a touch of plain old bad zoning–why would anyone build a shack in a floodplain? But it turns out that the military junta of the Myanmarese government angers God’s commandment: Thou shalt have no other government but Mine.
God: check.
Myanmar and many other Asian countries rely heavily on commercial fishing. Killing God’s creatures is wrong and will not go unpunished. So what if many of the Burmese population make their living by fishing? Fishing is a dying industry and rapes the seas of precious species of scenic aqautic life. Surely, these people can find other jobs to replace their fishing addiction. I’m guessing that local Myanmar Home Depots and Starbucks, etc. would hire many of these people, and then they could build a hut on higher ground.
God: check.
Ignorance, arghh!!! Why can’t these people just make sure to check in with their television news programs to keep an eye on any earthquakes or cyclones affecting the ocean near their homes? Don’t they hear the cyclone sirens? Open your ears–your life depends on it!
God: check.
Next, while looking up some basic facts about Burma, ahem, Myanmar, I find out that just about everyone in this country has to spend a couple of years as a Buddhist monk learning about Buddha.
Did anyone stop to think that this might make God and His only Son, Jesus, a bit perturbed? Who is this Buddha chap anyway? How come the only time we ever hear about this guy is when we see those corny shirnes in Chinese restaurants. Makes for a pretty silly guy to follow if you ask me–who wants to follow such a fat guy? Someone explain moderation to this dude.
God: check.
Next, I hear about China’s earthquake, and how so many people died. First, we’re talking about China–one of the last communist strongholds on Earth. First of all, communism is abhorred by God (paraphrasing, of course, but I think God said something like “Ye nations of the earth, govern thy selves with kings of strength, and let not thy selves desire to usurp thy masters. Be gentle and compiant.”)
God: check.
China is also a very bad country in that they take away jobs from the United States — a country that God has seen fit to raise above others as a superpower. This is, in effect, taking food out of the mouths of American babes, and God will protect His Chosen People–any way He can.
God: check.
Finally, I think God hates Asia because they all act like they have the best food and are so much better than Americans, who, I’ll admit, are getting more and more obese. There, I said it, we’re a fat nation. BUT, I’ll also say that we are fat because God has given us so much for being His chosen people. You might say that the United Stated is the “Promised Land” of modern days.
And Asia is not– cue the earthquakes, tsunamis tidal waves, and cyclones.
You cannot escape God’s wrath.
To sum it up, I hope Asia decides to get its act together and stop flaunting its disdain for God and His chosen people. Not every child can be a father’s favorite, just ask my daughter. But, they can suck it up and start trying to emulate their smarter, better sibling.
- Edit: I know there aren’t 10 reasons listed here, but all you have to do is throw in Stalin, Vietnam, that place where the Killing Fields was, and New Zealand, and you’ve got the rest of the reasons God Hates Asia.
But isn’t god one of forgiveness? Why would he strike vengeance down on people when their punishment in hell would be strong enough?
Good point, but I already told you I wouldn’t let logic cloud my faith!
I must beg the question of whether you are serious or this blog is some sort of attempt at satire? You can’t be serious.
“Surely, these people can find other jobs to replace their fishing addiction. I’m guessing that local Myanmar Home Depots and Starbucks, etc. would hire many of these people, and then they could build a hut on higher ground.”
If you are serious, you are one very misinformed individual and I pity you and anyone who could possibly believe the false rhetoric you are writing. First off there are no home depots and Starbucks where these people are and that would not solve the problem of providing jobs or food to a million starving people. The Junta hasn’t been punished, they weren’t the ones living in the areas that are ravaged. In fact most of the people affected by the disaster in Burma are those that don’t support Myanmar’s corrupt government, which is probably why the Government is purposely blocking aid from reaching them. You haven’t made a single point that is worth a pence. Your blogs sucks, but at least Jesus Loves you. Have a good day and please stop spreading a message of hate. Read a little more. Open your heart. I know that you will see that what you doing is wrong.
Wow, “your blog sucks” is all you got–what are ya, anti-American? Why don’t you, Bill O’Reilly, and the rest of your liberal ilk slink away down a very long, cold, dark, balmy alley!